Oftentimes we get caught up as to whether we love someone or we’re simply lusting after them. Apart from teenagers whose hormones have started running wild and haywire, most adults also find themselves in this web of confusion. What’s more, no one can be expressly blamed for finding themselves in this dilemma because there is just a very thin line between love and lust. A lot of books, articles and blogs have talked about these concepts but when a desire hits a person, at that point they’re not thinking about what kind it might be;love or lust.
Like many, I have also experienced both feelings and decided to write about it on my blog.
Despite the thin line between love and lust, I have managed to come up with some distinctions and how you will know it’s one and not the other.
1. Self Interests: You Know it’s not love when the person cannot place your interests above theirs. One of the things that got me irritated during my dating days was when a man found it difficult to think about my interest before making a decision, and I’m not saying this applies to only men, women can also be selfish. If you cannot place your spouse’s interest above yours then you really don’t understand fully what love is because, love is selfless and it sacrifices no matter how painful it is. On the other hand, when you’re lusting, you’re really not concerned about the other’s feelings, your own feelings matter most to you. “God so loved us that He gave up His Son for us.” John 3:16. So if we’re not ready to give up some habits, comfort, decisions e.t.c for the sake of the person we love, we haven’t started yet.
2. Gratification: One of the most important qualities of real love is the ability to wait on the loved. Real love doesn’t rush or seek immediate gratification, it is rather willing to wait for the right time. Unlike lust, real love is ready to let go of the loved one, if that’s what would make them happy Ever heard of the famous quote “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours, and if they don’t, they never were.”? Sounds cliche but it is so true. I have been in and also seen other relationships, and I find that most people who are still happy in their relationship today are those who didn’t find it necessary to be in a hurry. Today, we live in a world where everything is okay, having sex before marriage is seen as the right thing to do, while those who have chosen to wait are seen as fools or “old school.” The Bible says in Isaiah 5:20, “ They say that what is right is wrong and what is wrong is right; that black is white and white is black; bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.” I remember when I was living on campus at the university, I would hear girls say things like, “ We have to sleep with him so we can test and see how he feels in bed.” Or “How do I know his tool still works if I don’t first test it?” And I wondered how many they were going to test before finally settling with the right one. That clearly wasn’t love, it was lust in its purest and unrefined state. Before getting married to my husband, I was in a relationship where lust was clearly the game, I knew it deep down my heart but it was difficult to let go for fear of being alone. It was not a healthy relationship because while I was keeping myself for marriage, my then boyfriend was so impatient and couldn’t just wait. When you find yourself in a relationship where you’re both supposedly Christians, but the other person is not ready to obey what the word of God says concerning the marriage bed, you should be on your way out.
3. Obsession: I have seen people become so obsessed with someone and sadly think they are in love! Having an admiration for the way a person looks; their long hair, pointed nose, their hips, six packs, height and what not does not make you love them. I grew up in the days when Mills and Boon was read by practically every teenager. Reading these romance stories made a lot of us have this perfect picture of how our men should look like, we had fantasies about fairy tale weddings and happy-ever-afters. Some of us made these fake stories our realities, until the true realities hit us and gave us an awareness that having an admiration for his gait, blue eyes, smile, six packs, doesn’t mean you love him. Men and women should be able to clearly know when they simply are obsessed or when they are truly in love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that physical attraction is not necessary in a love relationship, but when the only reason you want to be with that person is because of their looks or bodies and nothing more, you need to ask yourself if you’re truly in love or simply lusting.
I strongly believe that apart from people leaving marriages due to the abuse they experienced in it, one of the reasons people get a divorce soon after the marriage vows are said is because the relationship wasn’t properly defined in the first place. Nowadays, it is easier to see a couple getting married for the wrong reasons than it was in those days.
Leave your comments below cos they always put a smile on someone’s face and hey, I’ll be glad to have you subscribe to my YouTube channel as well. Have a nice Sunday. 😘 (We kiss to greet in Mexico)