Hey everyone, how are you all doing? I know I have been slacking in terms of consistency. Well, due to present circumstances, I will not be writing every week anymore. In order to keep uploading without feeling overwhelmed , I have decided that uploading two blog posts per month will be better and more realistic for me and I believe for my readers also.
If you have been reading my blogs for a while now, you will notice that I mostly write about marriage. Don’t blame me, I am just drawn to topics concerning women and marriage. Today’s topic is one that is very dear to my heart, especially as a woman who has experienced both the good and damaging effects of words in relationships and marriage.
Our words are very powerful, they are tools that can be utilized to convey our innermost thoughts and plans. Our thoughts and ideas, when spoken as words, determine the reaction we receive from the listener. I’m sure we all have heard that our words can either make or mar, build or destroy relationships and friendships. No wonder the Bible clearly talks about being quick to listen and slow to speak. James 1:19. Whether we’re just dating someone or we’re actually married to them, it is highly important to choose our words. Now, I know we’re all human and there can be arguments sometimes, and things get a little bit intense and we just start blurting out words without even thinking about their effect on the other person. I know all of that, I’ve been there, done that, and each time this happens, I don’t feel good about it. I don’t know about you all but when I know someone was hurt by what I say it hurts me, especially if it’s someone I hold very dear to my heart. I’m not saying it’s okay to lash out on others who are not close, the thing is that it is easier for the people who are close to us to feel hurt by our words because despite being hurt, they still get to stick around, hear our voice, be nice to us, eat with us, they see us all the time.
We hear stories about physical and emotional abuse all the time, but verbal abuse is as real as the others. Like other kinds of abuse, many people suffer verbal abuse in silence just because they are in love or because they feel helpless.
I remember about a year and half ago when Ben and I were on our way to Nigeria, we started having a discussion about something that bothered on an area of our lives and family, and before you know it, I got so mad and blurted out, I literally told him to stay out of my business (so bad of me I know). That reaction from me ruined a seventeen hour trip from Mexico to Germany, a journey that would have ordinarily been filled with love, laughter, and everything enjoyable lol. It turned out to be too long, with unbearable seventeen hours of sitting next to each other, and just forcing a smile every now and then. In a nutshell, it was a horrible experience, and I quickly learned from it. This is is just one of the many instances where either of us has hurt the other with our words. But of course we’re good now, we have learned to choose our words carefully, no matter how smoking hot we are with anger. In Proverbs 15:1, the word of God says ” A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” That’s why it doesn’t help when both spouses are going back and forth using hurtful words on each other. The negative effects of harsh words are numerous, some of which are:
- Breach of Trust: When your spouse/fiance trusts you enough to open up to you about certain weak areas of his/her life, please no matter how angry you are, do not use their weakness against them. They will forgive you, but it may be hard for them to forget, so they may never trust you to that level anymore. So be careful and choose your words carefully.
- Tainted Reputation: I don’t think anyone wants to be known as a person who cannot express themselves in a responsible, matured and decent manner. This is a bad reputation, not only in relationships but also in marriage. When you’re popular for hurtful words, nobody wants to be close to you. I mean, who wants to get their feelings hurt?
- Temptation: In the case of a marriage relationship, hurtful words can bring all sorts of temptations. When your spouse is scared of talking to you, he/she might turn to other things. Remember the Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 that “Our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Do not leave that open door for the devil, because he will gladly step in subtly and make the most of the situation. I bet one of the reasons why we have men/women watching porn, having extra-marital affairs and side chic/guy is because they can hardly speak to their husbands/wives without having a hurtful word hurled at them. Now, I’m not in any way validating spouses who cheat, no reason should make a responsible man or woman step out of their matrimonial home to seek love elsewhere.
- Break in Communication: Some spouses who have been abused verbally become incapable of opening the line of communication for fear of being hurt by the words of their spouse. This of course creates a gap in communication, which is a very important tool for any relationship to thrive at its best.
- Discouragement: We are our spouse’s biggest cheerleader, so if instead of cheering them on to encourage them and spur them on to become the best that God has created them to be, we are instead telling them how bad their speech was or how their friend dunks the ball better than them, we are sending a message to them. We’re saying, YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH or JUST GIVE UP. Constructive criticism should definitely be given, but you don’t wanna tell your spouse how bad he/she is at a game. Just tell him/her how good he/she is and how they can do better next time to become even better. Be their number one cheerleader.
I hope you learned one or two things from today’s post. Please leave me a comment below and let me know what else you would add to this list.